I Want This (Maybe)

Sometimes you just gotta point at stuff and say 要这个 (yào zhè ge - I want this). This is the case for the first entry. I neglected to get the names of the foods during this meal, so my descriptions will have to suffice. I couldn't even tell you the name of this joint. It's no hole in the wall, that's for sure. This place provided napkins, which means it's pretty fucking high class. With that gesture alone my expectations were high. 

Without further ado, let's eat!

I like to start my meals off with a little drink. Despite what the color of this beverage may suggest, it is neither piss nor flat beer (although it is warm). This is the finest rust water Zhengzhou has to offer. The flavor is null, but has a faint bittersweet aftertaste. Don't worry! It's boiled so it's safe to drink.

Rust level: ★★★★

Next on the menu was pickled green beans, pork (?), and bits of chili peppers. This was the first item we received and it really set the bar low (a great way to be satisfied with the rest of the meal). From the smell of this dish alone you could have fooled me into believing we ordered pickles and tuna. The taste was decent: a little sour. The texture was poignant: the green beans still had pop but gave easily between my molars. My mouth may have still been numb from the rust water.

Confusion level: ★★

Taste: ★

I really couldn't tell you what this is. It had the consistency of eggs with mushrooms, but the chef did an amazing job of making it impossible to tell which is which. In any case, there was an excellent balance between the savory flavor of a scrambled egg and the earthy undertones a mild fungi. Light and fluffy, this was a great dish to load up on before hitting my favorite course.

Shroom factor: ★★★

This is the one you wait for. The ceiling was low but man, this one went to the moon. Large pieces of thick bacon, marinated in a sweet and savory sauce, littered this dish like toilet paper on a Zhengzhou street. A springy leek was paired with the meat, providing just enough fodder to soak up some of the juice, and chunks of pepper gave the whole dish a gentle spiciness that was never overpowering. The balance between sweet and salty was perfect, and I can't wait to enjoy this dish again in the future.

Pork factor:★★★★★

Tenderness:★★★★

For "dessert" we enjoyed a sweet egg drop soup. Like many sweet soups in China, this one has a mild candy-like quality to it. The bowl was served piping hot. When allowed to cool it made for a perfect chug. It was thinner than some sweet soups I've had in the past, but the chunks of egg were a pleasant neutral flavor. All in all a good way to end the dinner.

Thickness: ★★

Sweetness: ★★★

The total cost of this meal was a whopping ¥80 ($13.13) split between two people. Not a cheap meal by any means, but we did something that all Chinese must do at every meal: order way too much food and leave it at the table. There are cheaper, better meals to be had, and this was incredibly disappointing for the amount of cash spent. The one gem of the bunch was great, but not worth the price of admission.

Cost: ★★★

Quality: ★★

Rust: ★★★★

Everybody Must Eat

It's a natural fact of life. When you're a child you are inevitably taught that everybody poops, but we miss the whole reason why we must poop: because we must eat.

With this in mind I explore the food that every Chinaman eats. From the blue collar worker to the wealthy businessman and everybody in between, this is the food you can find on any number of street corner.

Zhengzhou, the base of my operations, is more or less in the middle of China. As such, noodles from the North are a staple and rice from the South is abundant. Slurping is the preferred method for transferring foods into the mouth-hole; shoveling is a close second. If you're not eating off a foot high table and squatting on a six-inch stool, you're doing it wrong.

If you were in the US, or any Western country really, you would probably be reluctant to eat at half these places. But when the meal costs the equivalent of $1-$2, your mind becomes confused. It's so cheap, why not? Other people are eating it too, it must be good. But wait, why is it so cheap? You're thinking too much now, slow down and take a bite. Enjoy the spicy undertones added by the green pepper, or the crunch of the lotus root.

We all need to eat. You might as well try and enjoy every bite.